It's been a awhile I realize. But now that classes are over, and finals soon to be over, I'm going to start communicating with the world again.
So I realized I have a lot of pride. I think part of it is because I'm an orange: it's part of my nature. But part of it is also a decision. There have been two instances where I could just do something that isn't a big deal at all, but for some internal reason that I myself really don't know, I refuse to do it. And it's really quite stupid. But, in one of the times, someone else was doing the exact same thing, so maybe I'm pretty normal in this aspect. Or, since the two of us are alike, we are both just really weird.
So, the first one, like I said, is really stupid and makes no sense; but nonetheless it happens and continues to happen. So my roommates and I ran out of toilet paper and no one had a chance to go get any. Finally one person did and she said she was holding it hostage because we always wait so long before we go get some. So she hid it in her room and said for $.75 you could buy a roll. Makes sense. I wish I'd thought of it first... So, my other two roommates just went and did that. For some reason, I can't bring myself to do it. I've internally refused. And there really is no logically explanation as to why I've made that decision, but I have and I've stuck by it. My roommates don't know it. But I've been trying to figure out why I'm so stubborn. Definitely part of my childhood and being raised... :) And I still don't have any toilet paper...
The other instance involved someone else. A friend and I were leaving the Nelke Theatre and walking up the stairs side by side. Well, about half way up there was a person standing on the small landing so we had to go single file to move past this person. Well, we both stopped and told the other person they could go first. And neither one of us would go first. We both absolutely refused. So we stood there for like 5 minutes just looking at each other and refusing to go up the stairs!!! That is like the stupidest thing in the world to be stubborn about! There was no point! But we both had our pride and stuck to it. Finally she relented, which I'll be honest, made me even stronger. I've got to stop!! But how do yous stop something that's so strong and a part of you? It's such a part of my personality, how do you just stop being yourself?
2 comments:
you stop being "yourself" when you decide how your "new self" will be... then the more you practice being your "new self" the less it you feel like anything other than JPK. This is all because "you" are nothing more than who you truly want to be. It is easy to act on your physical impulses. These impulses do not define who you are. So the hard part is actually deciding who you want to be. It is easier to change something if you have an alternative to replace it with. So dont decide to stop a behavior unless you have a different one to take its place.
so i guess what im trying to say is, dont think "Im going to stop being stubborn", but rather "I AM going to be more submissive."
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